By
Soumya Vaidya, MA, Bed
There are numerous resources that are available to facilitate and make teaching students with EBD easier. Unfortunately, there is no magic pill or one program that can be called fool proof for this. The fact that no two individuals are alike is the answer to this problem, something that works for one student can be a disaster for another. Also, any program is only as good as the teacher teaching it. Keeping all these aspects in mind, I wanted to devise a program that is fluid and can be altered with the student needs. However, today’s classrooms are demonstrating challenging behaviors that are more frequent and intensive than previous years. High burn-out rate among existing teachers only makes this situation worse, since the challenges that EBD students pose are difficult to handle while continuing to teach for extended periods of time. The program that proves effective in such scenarios will be the one that is written by teachers, who are in the midst of it all. Any researcher who writes such a program should have experienced these situations oneself to realize the actual stumbling blocks. This issue of NASET’s Practical Teacher, written by Soumya Vaidya, MA, Bed, will focus on teaching students with EBD.
Definition and Prevalence of EBD
The definition of a ‘challenging student’ varies from teacher to teacher. A student who appears to be extremely challenging to one teacher might just be sitting on the border of the same for another teacher. Hence the far-reaching fact that each human being is one of a kind comes into the picture, and it applies to both, the teacher and the student.
Causes of EBD
Developmental factors associated with challenging behavior often present useful insight while planning intervention efforts with EBD students. Any demonstrated behavior, positive or negative, is a very complex phenomenon. It is difficult to understand why someone demonstrates even simple behaviors, let alone why someone engages in and presents more complex emotional and behavioral difficulties. Studying possible causes of EBD can help in understanding a particular student better and thus increasing the chances of making an intervention more effective. Needless to say, this paves the way to a better adjusted student who is willing to learn more effectively.
Program Outline:
In this program, the reader is provided with common behavior problems facing today’s teachers of students with EBD. Followed by each description of a common problem behavior are suggestions for intervention. Interventions are described according what the teacher, parent, and student can do to improve the situation. The sections are labeled accordingly. These problem behaviors and interventions were all derived from the brainstorming sessions with the teachers as experienced by everyday teachers. The reader can be certain that these problem behaviors are those most frequently encountered by these teachers. The reader can also be certain that the suggested interventions have been implemented successfully by these very experienced teachers in the field.
Following is a list of behaviors that are expected by a student (Ideal Behavior) and alongside is a list of behaviors that are a cause of concern
|
Ideal Behavior |
Cause for Concern |
|
Expressing oneself |
Swearing |
|
Follow Directions |
Noncompliance |
|
Personal Boundaries |
Inappropriate Touching |
|
Being Honest |
Telling Lies |
|
Disturbing Events (personal) |
Poor Attitude |
|
Keeping Others Safe |
Physically hurting others |
|
Taking Turns |
Interruptions (Verbally and in Actions) |
|
Respecting Physical Boundaries |
Walking away on people |
|
Effective Interactions |
Over ruling Others, Poor attitude |
|
Appropriately handle Objects/Property |
Causing Destruction of Property |
The above listed ‘Ideal Behaviors’ (left column) combine (in full or part) to make a typical day in the life of a student with EBD in any given learning environment. At the same time, the most commonly experienced defiant behaviors are listed on the right. None of these can be restricted to just the home or the school for a student and hence the concept of forming a team comes into the picture. Any student with EBD cannot be viewed as just an individual, he or she should have a support team, comprising of parents, teachers and any other social or behavioral workers helping the student. The fact that communication between them is important cannot be emphasized enough. This communication loses its effectiveness if carried out once in a few weeks or months, I feel that there should be a constant dialogue between the adults and all information pertaining to the EBD student so that effective strategies can be found and appropriately applied. This may come in the form of a behavior log, or frequent meetings among the team. This team formation not just provides the support that is much needed by the student but also fills any loop holes that can be identified and misused by the student.
1. Expressing Oneself
Each individual should be able to express his/her feelings in an appropriate fashion, these include positive as well as negative feelings. Students with EBD often find this challenging, especially because they find it difficult to keep things in proper perspective as far as social implications are concerned.
Teachers- What can you do (to avoid an outburst)
- Define the relation between self-esteem and language: Clearly explain the relation between negative language and the self-image that the students from of themselves.
- Talk about emotions: By demonstrating emotions of different kinds, the students can develop a conscious awareness of what are different kinds of expressions associated with various emotions. While emphasizing that all emotions are ok, students can watch the body language used in doing so.
- List words that are OK and if the students are mature enough, discuss words that are offensive and why. Also discuss situations where it is okay to express anger (a game) and where it is not (when you are talking to an older family member).
- Remind the students about ground rules and also about total unacceptability of such words in class or on school property. Students perform better when they know exactly what is expected of them and have been involved with creating rational consequences for misbehavior.
Teachers- What can you do (to calm an outburst)
No matter how much a student or a teacher tries to avoid, anger outbursts may happen. It is important to know how anger can be expressed in alternate ways, other than swearing:
i) Provide a safe, quiet place to stay till one calms down.
ii) If the student is crying (or about to start crying) provide a private spot.
iii) Provide a squeeze toy or stress ball and teach the student how to use it.
iv) Remind the student to breathe deeply
v) Have the student write a letter (which may or may not be sent to the addressee)
vi) Suggest that the student gives oneself a ‘time-out.’ This gives the student a chance a rejoin when he/she is ready and allows them to feel some control over a situation where they may feel very little control.
When dealing with a student with similar issues, encourage the student to talk about what he/she would prefer to do when angry, make a booklet or a flip book (help with the creativity) with the above suggestions. When the student shows modicum amount of calm, give the booklet and ask him/her to choose one thing from the list.
Some other strategies that can come in handy are listed:
vii) Especially applicable for mature students who can handle it, encourage them to find someone they feel comfortable talking to and have them share their feelings with this person regularly. This can be done this each day or on an “as-needed” basis.
viii) Strong emotions find an effective outlet when similar situations have been faced in a role-play. Give students different scenarios that would result in strong emotions. Have them role-play ways of describing their feelings without swearing.
ix) Especially applicable for younger students, provide feedback. Display popsicle sticks (or something similar) in a holder on the teacher’s desk. Each time a student swears, take a stick away, making sure the student sees it being taken. Offer no comments or explanation. At the end of the day, let the student trade in the remaining sticks for a reward. This reinforcement can also be displayed the opposite way, where a student gains a popsicle stick when he or she is remaining calm and on task. When the student has remaining sticks, take one stick away for the following day to slowly decrease the rate of swearing, or increase their daily goal for obtaining sticks. This token economy system can be used with a variety of tokens, from poker chips to smiley faces on a paper.
x) Especially applicable for mature students, use journaling for self-expression. When students are upset, allow them to write letters or in a journal, using any language they want. When they are finished and eventually calmed down, have them tear up the letter or piece of paper. It is important to get rid of hateful language. Make a ceremony out of defeating the words, rather than letting the words defeat them.
Parents- What can you do:
As discussed earlier, parents are an integral part of the team that is helping an EBD student. There are numerous ways in which parents can help:
i) Monitor the use of profanity at home as well, trying to establish behavior patterns.
ii) Gather information to better understand the need for this behavior. Does the child enjoy the reactions from others? Or has the use of profanity just become a bad habit?
iii) Talk with child. Discuss concerns with the child, and talk about the child’s need to use profanity. Talk about when and where it happens, who the child is with, reactions from others, and alternative forms of expression.
iv) Establish household rules/expectations. Discuss the household rules and expectations regarding the use of profanity. Be a good role model and do not use profanity yourself.
v) Learn about school expectations. Talk with the child’s teacher and school staff about general rules and expectations for student behavior in the classroom and on the school grounds. Specifically ask about the rules and expectations for the use of profanity. If the school has a campus-wide or classroom behavior plan, ask for a copy.
vi) Set a goal with the child, set a goal to decrease the use of profanity. Check in with the child daily to see how the day went. If the child had a good day, discuss what went well and reinforce the child’s progress (e.g., praise, hugs, “high fives,” treats, privileges). If the child had a bad day, discuss what went wrong, as well as what might have made the day go better. Support and encourage the child’s efforts, with a hug, pat on the back, or a listening ear.
Students- What can you do:
This strategy can be applied when the student is mature enough and understand the implications of his actions. At times, this does not come with age but with the student’s temperament. Teachers will have to use their discretion to use this. But getting the EBD student onboard and making him/her responsible for the actions can prove to be very effective.
i) Know expectations. Expectations for language use may be different, depending on the situation or environment and who is there. Thus, it is important to talk to people about their expectations (e.g., parents, family members, teachers, friends, trusted adults). Adults expect kids to talk respectfully to them. Slang and profanity may be okay with friends, but not with unknown kids or adults. They may be upset or offended by the use of profanity.
ii) Work to increase the use of more appropriate forms of expression and monitor use of profanity. Swearing is one way of expressing very strong feelings. It can also be a bad habit. It is okay to express strong feelings, but ask teachers and parents to help find more appropriate words to express these emotions. In this process, pay attention to the use of profanity, knowing where, when, and with whom it occurs. Ask family and friends for reminders when bad language is used to increase awareness and decrease the automatic use of profanity. When it does happen, be honest, take responsibility, and apologize.
iii) Hearing profanity increases the chances of using profanity, strictly monitor exposure to profanity. Swearing and bad language are quite common in the media. Pay attention to music lyrics, movies, TV shows, and video games. When you set your goal to adopt appropriate forms of expression, try to minimize exposure to bad language.
2. Following Directions:
Non-compliance is a big stumbling block that the students often present in classrooms. This makes teaching to a group not only difficult but exhausting.
Teachers- What can you do:
Follow a systematic identification process to track down when does non-compliance occurs
i) Observe what is happening around the student when non-compliance occurs and its frequency. Identify and pinpoint patterns in the information gathered (Is the student non-compliant when they are excluded from a group, during transitions, during free time in class?). Children’s non-compliance often comes from not understanding the work or the instructions, so ensure the child knows it is ok to ask for help and re-explanation.
ii) What happened as a result of the non-compliant behavior occurs, did it fetch attention from peers, staff, did it get them exemption from work)
iii) Choose strategies based on these reasons, monitoring progress and giving enough time for the strategies to work. Do not do away with a strategy because it did not work one day, try to reapply as it may work on a ‘good day.’
iv) Develop a plan. After better understanding the reasons for noncompliance, work together with students and if possible their parents, to develop a plan to address students’ difficulties in following directions and possible skill deficits in this area.
v) Monitor their progress over time. Invite their feedback, listen to it, and use it productively. If noncompliance continues to be a problem, which is likely, adjust the strategies as needed.
vi) Use simple directions and give one direction at a time, using short, concise words. Be clear and consistent. Tell, not ask. Use sentences with the word ‘do’ in them rather than ‘can’ or ‘will’ words and avoid phrasing requests as questions (for example instead of ‘Could you please sit down?’ which can get you an answer ‘NO’ say ‘Sit down please’).
vii) Consistency is a very effective strategy, consistency in words, instructions, consequences, even appreciation.
viii) Know when to ignore noncompliance. Pick battles carefully. Decide which directions really need to be followed and which ones are not as important to follow. Ignoring noncompliance, when possible, limits the attention and power students receive and sometimes can eliminate the behavior all together.
ix) However, ignoring is not a good strategy to ignore, at times, it can accelerate and create a bigger problem. Students can gain power when ignoring the teacher’s directions and it becomes imperative to address the problem positively. To achieve this, develop a fair and progressive set of responses, and be consistent with it. For example, begin with repeating the instruction. As noncompliance continues, then take away a reward, lower grades for participation, or take any other stem previously decides upon.
x) Teach compliance, some students are blissfully unaware of what compliance is! Sometimes noncompliance is a result of a skill deficit, rather than inattention or defiance. In this case, find a ‘clam and receptive’ moment and help students generate ideas about how to respond to different types of directions. Then discuss the chosen responses and how to use them correctly to follow directions.
xi) Empower students in positive ways, give them responsibilities or little jobs to do around the classroom.
xii) Too much of anything is bad. As the students show gradual improvement, stop praising mediocre behavior, some basic expectations have to be followed, there is nothing great in that!
xiii) Revisit the past, sometimes, talk to the students about behavior they exhibited earlier and how far have they come. It is always a good thing to see one’s own improvement.
Parents- What can you do:
i) Get to know the actual problem: Talk to the teachers and gather as much information as possible. Try to pinpoint when does most non-compliance occurs, academic, independent work, free time etc. Keep the details written down, it is always provides good reference points. Remember that children’s recounts of events may only tell part of the story.
ii) The Child should be the center: Discuss the problem, get the child’s feedback and also discuss (with discretion) the details that you gather after talking to the teachers. Always be supportive and encourage the child, celebrate the little achievements.
iii) Give precise directions: Call the child by his/her name, give your directions in clear terms (specify when something needs to be done, for example, ‘now’ or ‘before you go out to play’) and get the child to respond and acknowledge by saying ‘yes’ or ‘okay.’
iv) If the directions have multiple steps, inform the child about the same but give only one or two at a time.
v) Give and receive feedback : Ask about the school occurrences, talk about the instances at home. Offer choices or alternate methods that could be applied to similar situations in the future. Be constructively critical and do so when you are calm yourself (not agitated after a rough day at work or even when you are tired) It is easy to transfer or extend your mental state to your conversations.
vi) Actions speak louder than words: Be compliant yourself, present yourself as a role model. Be especially careful in responding to questions or requests made by the child. If the child feels respected and attended to by parents, the child is more likely to respond in a similar fashion to them, as well as other adults.
Students- What can you do:
i) Understand the problem: Becoming aware of the problem is a big step, get the student involved in the process to understand his/her own non-compliant behavior.
(a) Am I not following directions because I am not paying attention?
(b) Am I trying to avoid assignments?
(c) Do I not understand the directions and don’t ask for clarification?
(d) Do I not agree with the directions?
Talking to an adult or a teacher about the same also helps in putting things in perspective. Adults can suggest a strategy or a solution that is worth trying.
Some other strategies that a student can try are:
(a) No one likes to hear something multiple times or even say the same thing over and over again, try to pay attention so that instructions do not need to be repeated.
(b) Acknowledge when a direction has been given, with a nod or verbal response (‘okay’ or ‘I get it’).
(c) Ask for clarification if the directions are not clear.
(d) Make a conscious choice to follow the direction (for example, completing a task or an assignment within the given amount of time)
(e) Discuss directions that may cause conflict, instead of just ignoring them.
(f) Negotiate calmly and respectfully to increase feelings of control.
ii) Be patient since, at times, directions need to be followed for reasons that are not readily understood. When this happens, try to accept it, and remain calm when talking about it. Being patient will make following these directions easier over time.
iii) Appreciate progress. Remember that learning a new skill takes time and lots of practice. Be proud of yourself for trying hard.
3. Personal Boundaries
In today’s day and age of multiculturalism, physical and social boundaries vary from place to place. While it is important to know different customs with which we interact, it is equally important to set certain ground rules in the classroom and no matter what different cultures the students come from, they have to be tolerant and respectful towards them. The onus of setting these at school comes on to the teacher and some basic guidelines can be laid for an effective interaction in the classrooms.
Teachers-What can you do:
i) Teach boundaries: Helping the students become aware of the personal space. An arm’s length of space between people is generally a decent distance and easy to explain to the students.
ii) Cultural Differences: There are significant differences in how and when members of a cultural group touch others. Even among families of the same culture, there are differing rules about when, where, who, and how they touch each other. This can be a learning curve for all students and making them aware of cultural biases as a whole group is convenient. Be aware of own cultural biases, and help students to recognize their own. Teach them about differences in their behavior with their family and their behavior at school. For example, it is okay to kiss members of one’s family, but at school, it is better to limit displays of affection to a hug or shaking hands.
iii) Express feeling through appropriate touching and non-touching alternatives:
Discuss in whole group, small group or one on one alternatives to intrusive touching, such as shaking hands, pat on the back, side hugs (as opposed to conventional hugs). Non-touching methods can be singing, air-high-fives or even drawing pictures.
iv) For younger students, tape squares can prove to be very effective to determine personal spaces. Masking tape boxes around their seats, marking the pathway (to a teacher or the supplies area) and even assigning spots in a lineup make certain routines easier and less interruptive to a learning session.
v) The ‘most effective seating arrangement’ is the one that eludes most teachers but it is always worth experimenting for. How do the students face each other in class, who sits next to whom and avoiding confrontations between two adjacent students is something that comes with a lot of trial and error. At times, letting the students have a free choice to sit wherever in the given arrangement helps them stay on task as they are striving to continue with the privilege.
Teacher Strategies for students with history of Inappropriate Touch or Abuse
There should be a close connection between parents and teachers for all students, however, such a connection becomes indispensable for students with a history of any type of abuse. It has been observed that students who have been subjected to some kind of physical abuse tend to adopt similar behavior themselves. Teachers need to watch out for such situations very closely and report any kind of observations or even hunches to the management, including the principal, psychologist and counselors. Even if it is just a suspicion, one is mandated to report suspicions to Child Protective Services.
i) Safety Plan implementation: In collaboration with the parents and other professionals working with the student, develop a plan to provide safety for other students. This can be a need-based but should have certain essential features:
(a) Providing close supervision during independent learning activities.
(b) Bathroom should be used alone, without other students in it.
(c) Keeping hands on top of the desk or table at all times.
(d) Restricting access to any unsupervised areas of the room.
e) Staggering the dismissal for lunch, recess or end of the day to control interactions between different age levels of students.
f) There should be precise school procedures for reporting sexual behavior/suspected abuse to school district officials and Child Protective Services. The goal should be to curb any situations from happening rather than dealing with them once they have occurred.
ii) Avoiding Embarrassing situations: Any information about any kind of abuse or similar instances should be shared with utmost sensitivity, care and accuracy. It can make or mar a person’s life.
Parents- What Can you do:
Parenting Strategies for Children who touch others impulsively or inappropriately:
i) Gather precise knowledge of the school policies: Ask for a copy of behavior plan and go over it in detail, a verbal explanation of the same is also a good plan of action.
ii) Household rules/expectations: Discuss the family rules and expectations for touching (focus on: what is appropriate and what is not). Discuss, with great clarity, what is acceptable in a family, among family members is not appropriate outside. For example, it is okay to hug family members when they meet but acquaintances prefer to shake hands.
iii) Advocate for oneself: Remind the children that they have to tell a trustworthy about any behavior that they feel uncomfortable with. Using exact words to talk about an adult’s action and expressing displeasure can happen only when the children are confident that another trustworthy adult is going to back them up. For example saying loud and clear, ‘I do not like when Uncle Jim pats me on my bottom.’ It requires courage and confidence to say that for a known adult, especially if the adult is a relative.
iv) Present models for boundaries: Telling the children what you like and do not like about their touching is very important. Saying ‘Next time when you sit next to me, walk up and not jump, I do not like it when you jump.’
v) Many parents are almost squeamish about talking on the matter of sexual abuse. Avoiding the issue will not solve the problem. Talk to the school teacher, counselor or a social worker about it and educate yourself.
vi) If an instance occurs, always be truthful and frank in reporting about it, whether it is the school management or Child Protection Services.
Students- What can you do:
i) Know rules and expectations. Talk to parents and teachers about appropriate and inappropriate touch. If you have any confusion, ask them to explain the rules and expectations for home and school, For example, family members may kiss, but friends usually hug or shake hands when they meet. If someone has expressed dislike about being touched in any way, respect their choice.
ii) Practice boundaries, it is better to be farther than expected than closer. Rule of thumb is to maintain an arm’s length distance between people.
iii) Ask for help any time you encounter inappropriate touching, including the gentle ones like patting to the more aggressive ones like pushing, shoving, hitting or even touching the private parts. If anyone touches kids in ways that makes them feel bad, those kids should tell a parent, teacher, or a trusted adult right away.
4. Honesty
To be honest with themselves and others makes the lives of students and teachers so much easier. However, it is almost a utopian situation to expect. As teachers, we encounter dishonesty at different levels on a daily basis. It can range from being dishonest in their work ethics (lying about their work, cheating, copying or being evasive), day to day interaction (for example: who hit whom and for what reason) or even saving themselves from trouble (for example: destroying property, stealing and hiding). No matter what the situation, being honest is something that the students have to learn for their entire future.
Teachers- What can you do:
i) Clearly define problem as to why is the student being dishonest. If it is regular occurrence, tracking the behavior helps in establishing a pattern. It is then easy to see the reason behind the student’s dishonesty (he lied about getting his test signed or he became agitated every there was a mention of the missing ruler)
ii) What are the results of the behavior (sought attention from staff or peers)?
iii) Interview or talk with students in a nonjudgmental manner. It may be that they are unaware of.
iv) Clearly establish rules. Post rules and values in obvious places where the student is likely to see them. They can include simple but effective statements like, “Respect each other” and “Keep hands and feet to self” in a highly visible location in the classroom, and refer to them often. Have large and small group discussions on what each rule or value means and how to show the rule or value to others. Review the rules with the class as part of the morning meeting each day.
v) Discuss how others feel when they get cheated or lied to. Drawing similarities between everyone’s reactions can help the students see that most people react in a similar fashion (they feel angry, hurt) when someone is dishonest with them.
vi) Identify dishonest behavior and do not let it slide by. That sends a signal that small dishonesties are okay, often this leads to the bigger ones.
vii) Encourage everyone to talk about their mistakes openly, without being judgmental. If a student has broken something in class, talk to the student,’ I am glad that you told me about accidentally knocking over the plant pot. Let us see if we can fix it or find another pot to hold the plant.’
viii) Never punish honesty, it just paves the way to be dishonest the next time. If a student has not done his homework and is being forthright about it, saying something like, ‘It makes me a bit upset that you have not done your work, but I am glad you told me about it. Let us set up a time during school hours when you can complete it and hand it in before the day is done.’
ix) Reading stories about honesty, role playing, sharing real life situations, inviting someone from the staff to share a real story can also create a lasting impact on the students. When they see that adults also have to face the consequences for dishonesty and that there are ways to deal with it, students will get encouraged to be truthful.
Parents- What can you do:
Some strategies that the parents can adopt to deal with dishonesty are:
i) Understand the problem: Does the child lie consistently about something, is it to get out of a situation, is it happening at the same time mostly or around a similar situation? Keep a track of these observations and try to establish a pattern.
ii) Based on the patterns observed, talk to the child, let him/her share what they feel about a certain situation without providing any inputs from your side. Help the child look at the problem himself/herself.
iii) Every honest but even slightly painful action should be appreciated.
iv) Discuss household rules and values. At a family meeting, talk about the family rules and values. Discuss what is important to each family member and how to honor each rule/value (for example: telling the truth when something happens). In this discussion, make sure that everyone has a common understanding of the family values.
v) Model honesty in daily activities. To encourage honesty in the child, make it a point to model honest behavior in everyday activities. For example, if the clerk at the store gives the wrong change, point it out. Don’t lie to a friend and say, “I’m busy and can’t go out with you” when it would be more appropriate to say, “I really don’t want to do this today. Can we do it another time?” The child learns more from the modeling of honest behavior than from talking about it.
vi) Discuss honesty as depicted in media. There are numerous examples of dishonesty in media, talk time to talk about false claims, false advertising and tell your child about how it hurts others and the possible consequences for the same.
vii) Do not be blinded by the love that you have for your child. Do not overlook and ignore any actions of dishonesty only because pointing them out will cause pain and grief for your child. Remember that habits are formed by repetitive behavior, nip the problem in the bud!
Students- What can you do:
i) Practice telling the truth. It sounds simple but it requires a lot of effort, especially if the ingrained habit is the opposite. Make sincere efforts to always tell the truth even if it gets you into trouble.
ii) Monitor your own behavior: Observe how you behave when you are around certain people, do you tend to tell lies when you are in a certain company. Once you have established that, making the right choices will be easier.
iii) Review reasons for being honest, how easy it becomes to own up a mistake and rectify it than hide it. Recall the amount of stress that you have bear when you are dishonest.
iv) When accepting mistakes, practice using ‘I statements.’ This gives you the chance to find a solution to the problem and you can avoid hurting others as well. (For example, ‘I copied part of the observation details from the school’s server, it was wrong on my part to do so.’
5. Disturbing Events
In the due course of time, there are many personal events that may happen in the lives of students that cannot just cause pain and unhappiness but also alter behavior, even causing EBD. These may include events as divorces, loss of a loved one or even destruction of property as house fires or floods. Teachers need to show even more sensitivity toward such situations and deal them with compassion.
Teachers-What can you do:
i) Find out if the students want to talk about the event. Encourage them to talk and if they agree, provide a quiet room or go for a walk, listen with patience, do not provide any inputs from your side. Be mindful of the possibility that the student does not want to talk about the painful event and something else.
ii) Always be mindful of reminding the student about how difficult it is to talk about the event and show appreciation of the efforts that he/she is making.
iii) If the student wants to be left alone, check on him/her at brief, regular intervals.
iv) Using assistive techniques can be especially useful for younger students:
(a) using a chart that shows facial expressions and labels emotions.
(b) drawing a picture or series of pictures related to the event and associated feelings.
(c) using dolls or figurines to help describe the interactions that occurred during the event.
(d) acting out the actual event.
v) Provide regular feedback. Note the progress being made as the student begins to relax and calm down. Let students know how well they are doing through positive statements. Allow for and expect increased emotions during this time.
vi) Demonstrate patience with the recovery process. The progress in recovering from an emotional event will not be even and consistent, there will be highs and lows, calms and storms as the process continues. Many times, students appear ready to talk only to abruptly stop and change their minds, allow them to proceed at their own pace.
viii) Determine if there is a need for professional assistance. Decide through the decoding of the information given whether to continue, bring in another professional, involve another student, or refer the student to a professional. Use
known information about available community, therapist, and
family support systems.
ix) Keep the expectations in perspective. Be aware of what kind of expectations do you/school has about the student, are they real, within the capability of the student and if the external factors are mitigating the behavior.
x) Transition back to the class: It will the teacher’s goal to help the student transition back to class, do not rush the process, help the student by giving him/her time to gather oneself (wash your face, take a drink or a snack). After spending an immense amount of energy mentally and physically, keep the academic expectations real.
xi) Take care of yourself. Remember that such situation can be draining for yourself too, take a break from your class, ask a co-teacher to help or look after your class for a while and keep in mind that getting the work done (for example that day’s lesson) is not the top priority for the day but being a successful educator is.
Parents- what can you do:
The role of a teacher and a parent is quite similar in such accentuating circumstances; hence the strategies are quite similar too. The only difference is that the parent might be in the middle of it all oneself! Make sure that you are getting help from outside and strive to return to normal life style as soon as possible for the sake of yourself and your child.
Students- What can you do:
While it is difficult to cope up with a disturbing event, emotions like anger, frustration and inability to cope with the demands of the circumstances just compound the problem. In such cases, older students find it more challenging to overcome as their emotions are more complex and they probably will refuse to take the given without questioning it. Hence, all students, especially the older and more mature ones will need increased support.
i) Calm down. Tell a trusted adult (parent, teacher, friend) about feeling upset. Ask to go to a quiet place to calm down. Focus on taking deep breaths and releasing body tension. Think about a quiet, peaceful place and imagine being there. Other relaxation strategies might include
(a) Slowly counting to 10
(b) Pacing
(c) Going for a walk.
ii) Talk with others whom you trust. Ask to talk with a trusted adult when ready to talk. Try to recount the event in a timeline fashion (i.e., who did what and when) as much as possible.
iv) Help the adult understand the event; they might need a little more insight about the event to actually understand its gravity. Listen to questions being asked, and try to respond to them.
v) Ask for help. Think through the situation, current demands, and what one needs. Think about what it will take to resolve the situation. Think about returning to class and what will need to be done, both before and upon the return (for example participating in a class discussion, taking a test, doing an activity).
vi) When ready to return to class, first wash face, get a drink of water, and then re-enter the classroom. Follow up with any plan or commitment that has been made to ensure complete problem resolution.
6. Keeping Others Safe
While the expectation from everyone in the class is to keep oneself and everyone else safe, we all encounter students who pose danger to others due to their aggressiveness. Causing harm due to physical contact as hitting, biting and kicking can create an unsafe environment in class.
Teachers- What can you do:
i) Clearly outline the details about the instance by asking questions as
(a) When does it happen?
(b) Where?
(c) What else is going on when it happens?
(d) Who is involved?
(e) How often does it happen?
(f) What feelings are associated with it (for example: anger, frustration, sadness, embarrassment, excitement)?
(g)What purpose does the aggression/violence serve (for example: does it bring extra attention from others?).
Discuss these concerns with other teachers ( to establish a pattern) and parents.
ii) Establish ground rules: Clearly post and discuss whenever needed, rules like ‘Hands to yourself’ and ‘Respect Others.’ Developing individual contracts with students, with the parents involvement, can be an effective way to remind the students about their resolutions and school rules. Explain what ‘respecting’ someone might look like, sound like and feel like.
iii) Separate students who land in unsafe situations. Allow interactions between them only during highly monitored and closely supervised situations.
iv) Teach journaling the behavior, it offers a good reference point when discussing the chain of events in a more calm state of mind.
v) Teach relaxation techniques to students. They might have just heard about them but is a more controlled environment like a school, they are likely to practice them. Deep breathing, using a Koosh Ball, counting till 10 etc.
vi) Consistence pays, always follow the same set of steps (determined earlier) whether using as a calming technique or a consequence.
vii) Assigning responsibilities at a time when a student is likely to demonstrate aggressiveness helps them stay calm or out of trouble as they view the situation in which they are expected to live up to the expectations.
viii) Pay attention to the anger feelings that the students show or verbalize, be aware of threats and any intent to harm others or self.
ix) Help the student practice self-expression using the word ‘I,’ as ‘I feel hurt when…,’ ‘ I feel angry when…,’ ‘I feel sad when..’
x) On a one-on-one basis, work on a list of strategies that will help a student calm down, for example, listening to music, walking or pacing in a designated area, drawing, reading, writing etc. make sure that there is a time limit for the same and pay extra attention to music choice, hard rock or rap might not be particularly useful to calm down!
Parents- What can you do:
i) Understand the ‘Why.’ Determine why is the child showing aggressiveness, where, with whom, at what time and try to establish patterns. Is there an indication of such behavior for example tight muscles, facial expressions shallow breathing redness of the face etc.
ii) Talk with child. Discuss concerns with the child and get input. How does the child feel about school, friends, and teachers? Are there concerns? Encourage the child to talk and just listen. Refrain from passing judgment, but do ask questions for clarification when needed. Calmly discuss the signs of anger in the child. Agree to watch for these signs and you can set up a ‘reminder protocol,’ that can be used to give clues before the onset of a full-fledged anger outburst that can result in hurting others.
iii) Discuss the general rule of ‘It is ok to get angry but not ok to hurt others. Be consistent in applying (pre-determined) consequences for hurting others or for controlling the anger.
iv) Calming strategies: While it is important to have certain calming ideas as handy suggestions, they are most effective when they have been discussed earlier and inputs from the child have been added to the list. While the child demonstrates the signs of an anger escalation, these can be suggested and used as reminders to avoid a grave situation that might arise. Walking away, spending some time alone, going for a walk or going to a safe, quiet place in the house or using a squeeze ball are some of them.
v) Make a safety plan for the family. During a family meeting discuss what steps can be taken by other family members to stay safe during an anger outburst. While the person in question can try to adopt one of the calming strategies listed above, other family members can try to stay away from the situation and avoid contributing to the escalation. The person in question can wait it out in a room all by oneself, probably with a ‘do not disturb’ sign outside and taking it down when he/she is willing to talk. If the child has hurt someone, discuss how amends can be made and how a similar situation can be avoided next time.
vi) Avoid the steps leading to the anger outburst.
a) Encourage a positive environment in the house.
b) If things that one person does (and can be avoided) annoys another, mutual respect and tolerance can be practiced.
c) Immediate attention to a conflict build-up can sever the problem before it becomes big.
d) Violent music, games, TV shows that can build up a negative energy must be avoided, especially for children with impressionable minds.
vii) Be a good role model. Use proper expressions of showing displeasure, controlling the emotions to be expressed at a later time in proper words etc can create a positive environment in the household that the child can emulate.
viii) Work closely with the school. Inform the school what is being done at home to help the child, share and exchange patterns observed in a child’s behavior that the teachers can use and find out what is being done at school to help the child.
Students- What can you do:
Being angry is an extremely agitated state of the mind, most people dislike to be in that state but find it difficult to avoid being there. While the student can work with the parents at home and the teachers at school, he/she can develop certain strategies to empower oneself.
i) Know your problem. Try to find out if there is a pattern in your own emotions. Answer questions like when, where, why , how, who and whom related to your emotion. Write them down and discuss with an adult whom you can confide in.
ii) Develop an awareness towards yourself. What happens prior to the escalation of emotion, what is going on in your mind during the time, do you feel any tell-tale physical signs (redness in face, burning in ears, tightening of fists). If you walk away, count to 10, breathe deeply, does the moment pass and helps you to think rationally?
iii) Practice saying ‘I’ sentences to describe your feelings when talking about your anger. This will circumvent accusing other person for your behavior.
iv) Designate yourself an area (at school and at home) where you can volunteer to go when you are losing control of your emotions.
v) Look at the solution, not the problem. Once a mistake has been made, do not dwell on it, take a step away from it and try to find a way to mend it. Thinking negative things like ‘I am stupid’ is not going to solve anything. Rather, ‘I was wrong in behaving this way and I should try to change it’ will help you go a long way.
vi) Be realistic. Do not expect all your anger issues to go away as soon as you decide that they should. This behavior is embedded in habit and changing that is going to be a long process. Having faith in the people working with you and in yourself will help you.
7. Taking Turns
In an ideal classroom, all students raise their hands before they speak and wait their turn. In real world, this does not happen. Students speak out of their turn, blurt out answers and find it difficult to just wait to be given a chance to speak. While this problem can be observed at home as well, the difference in environment and expectations make it less severe. There are probably one or two kids at home there is no structured teaching going on and the atmosphere is more informal. This makes the situation in a classroom trickier to handle.
Teachers-What can you do:
i) Post Clear rules. Having posters in class with clearly stated rules are constant reminders to all students.
ii) Set clear rules. ‘I will not answer any question or accept any answer unless you have a turn given to you.’ Ignore any comments that have come without this rule being followed and refuse to answer any questions. Reminders like ‘Looking for quiet hands…’ help the students come back on track.
iii) Monitor the ‘blurt-outs’ for the student, if the students can do it themselves, encourage a tally chart to be used. The student puts a check mark every time he/she blurts out. Visually seeing the number oneself can create a self-awareness which can prove to be a step towards self-correction.
iv) Change the seating arrangement. If the student in question sits next to another student who is already consistent in raising hands before speaking, being in close proximity can cause a positive effect.
v) Be a good role model. Do not interrupt when another person is talking, always give a chance to the person raising his/her hand.
vi) Positive reinforcement. Remember to appreciate the one who is following the rule by using clearly stating what you like, ‘I really like the way you raised your hand quietly..,’ ‘I appreciate you waiting to let____finish his sentence before you spoke.’ It helps the students vividly see what the expectation is.
Parents- What can you do:
i) Set clear house rules. ‘Do not interrupt me when I am telling you something.’ ‘Let your sister finish her story before you begin yours.’ Although it is a small scale environment as compared to the classroom, expectations can be identical, if you want a good audience, be a good listener.
ii) Play the ‘waiting game.’ Let the child wait when you are talking on the phone, taking a shower or even writing a note. Always remember to give your child a turn after he/she waits it out.
iii) Communicate with the school and staff. Find out what strategies are being used at school and try to practice them at home as well.
Students-what can you do:
i) Follow the rules. Be aware of the rules and expectations at home and at school. Ask questions to clarify anything that is not understood. Make sure it is clear what will happen when the rules are followed and what will happen when they are not.
ii) Monitor behavior. One way students can wait to talk is to raise their hand. To monitor this, set a goal (for example, ‘I will stop myself from interrupting and raise my hand xx times.’). Then count the number of times the hand is raised during each period, calculating the total at the end of the day. Negotiate with parents and teachers for rewards for meeting the set goal.
iii) Reinforce own behavior. Appreciate own progress made, and use positive ‘I-statements’ to reinforce own behavior (for example, ‘I am proud of myself because I waited my turn.’).
iv) Observe and model after others. Watch other students in class, and imitate those who remember to raise their hand or wait their turn. Ask to sit next to the teacher if it might help to remember to raise the hand and not interrupt. Or ask to sit near peers who almost always remember to raise their hands.
v) Be patient, and build on small changes. Do not expect major changes to happen overnight. There will be times when it is more difficult to wait, and interruptions will increase again, but it will get easier and easier with time and practice.
8. Respecting Physical Boundaries
Encountered numerous times, this is a common difficulty that teachers face with students who show EBD. It is particularly difficult as the students who choose to walk away from the designated areas pose a safety concern as well as disrupt the teaching in a class. Also, it is not always practically possible to restrain a student in a given area. Some strategies are discussed below.
Teachers- What can you do:
i) Post very clear rules:
(a) follow directions
(b) keep hands and feet to oneself
(c) use appropriate language
(d) raise hand to talk
(e) stay in the designated area. Discuss these rules, and make sure all the students understand what each rule means, what will happen when the rule is followed, and what will happen when it is not followed.
ii) Set clear expectations.Be specific in classroom expectations (for example: ‘Please stay in your seat,’ ‘You need to be seated to complete this assignment,’ ‘When you are out of your area, you will not earn points for this assignment/activity.’). Be clear about the consequences when expectations are not met.
iii) If there is one student who persistently poses this problem, analyze the whole scene. Track the behavior, what activity is usually going on at the time, what is the frequency and are there any patterns that repeat themselves. Discuss them with teachers who teach other subjects and determine if it is a repetitive pattern.
iv) Consistent structure in class activities helps the students know what to expect. If the same sequence of activities occurs daily, it provides a routine to which most students respond better.
v) Instruction time should be modified according to the attention span of the students and their age. If it is too long, the students tend to become antsy and lose interest. Break from instruction to accommodate ‘wiggle time’ can offer an easy solution.
vi) Room and Seating arrangement can play a vital role in keeping the overall focus of the students. Ensure that the EBD student who tends to ‘walk away’ is not seated next to a door. Changing the seating arrangement from time to time can keep the feeling of novelty in the classroom, at times, very effective.
vii) Mark the floor with masking tape to provide boundaries in the classroom. Marking a path to the supply section or an activity center can also be an effective strategy to avoid meandering by the students.
viii) A little bit of flexibility, for example, letting a student stand up while completing a task or even something out of the box, for example sitting on an exercise ball or one-legged stool can also help the students stay in their spots.
ix) Sensory inputs like a Koosh ball, a weighted lizard or a wiggle bottom or a squeeze toy can be a good outlet for the fidgety student.
x) Remove audience. To decrease attention from other students to negative behaviors (namely: wandering, being noncompliant), take the remainder of the class outside of the area. This also serves to reinforce students who are following directions.
xi) Adding humor to the situation can also hit the spot. The teacher, in the middle of the lesson, just walks away for a few seconds and then comes back in. Ask the students if it was a) noticeable, b) a right thing to do? Most students will respond with the expected answers.
xii) Directly address tendency to run away. If students do run away unexpectedly (bolt off), put an alarm on the classroom door, and have a quick response system in
place for the student’s safety. Use extra care with these students when in open areas.
Parents- What can you do
i) Establish house rules. The child should have a clear understanding of some of the basic rules in place:
(a) staying with the parent or guardian at the store.
(b) holding a parent’s hand or onto the shopping cart at the grocery store
(c) asking before going to a different part of the neighborhood, park, or store
(d) staying in one’s room at night after the lights are turned out.
(e) informing before going out of the house at any given time.
Discuss these rules, explain how safety is the basic reason behind them all and encourage questions. If there are any confusions, clarify them and make it very clear what will happen when the rules are followed and the consequences when rules are broken. Being consistent in applying these consequences, whether positive or negative helps in laying down boundaries that are not stepped on easily.
ii) Encourage self-monitoring. If the child can take the responsibility upon himself/herself, the onus for staying safe becomes one’s own and hence treated with greater respect. Put up a chart on the fridge to record any positive behavior and add notes related to the same behavior.
iii) Plan trips with care and foresight. Keeping a child with nothing to do is a recipe for disaster. Make sure that there are books, puzzles or things that the child finds interesting when going on a trip. Talking to the child and maintaining the conversation is also an effective way to ensure that the child is alongside.
iv) Positive reinforcement with comments make a big difference, for example, ‘I am happy to see that you held my hand before we crossed the road.’
v) Uncertainty related to a specific place can trigger this behavior. Inform the child what to expect when they go to an unfamiliar place like a doctor’s office, a new friend’s house or even an airplane. If caught in a situation like this, take the child to a contained area like a washroom to explain the scenario, where there are fewer stimulants.
vi) Set simple rules like ‘You are allowed to walk ahead of me in a store if I can see you at all times’ or even ‘Every time I whistle, you will have to come back to me.’ Reward this behavior with a small incentive. This gives the child a reason not to meander away.
Students- what can you do:
i) Be aware of the classroom rules. If there is any confusion, ask for clarification. Ask for labels like ‘off limits’ if you think you tend to forget where not to go in a room.
ii) Ask for a contract, with the help of an adult or a teacher, draw a contract about the expectations, responsibilities, consequences and rewards about staying in a designated area.
iii) Use ‘self-talk’ as a strategy. Set your goals and repeat them in your mind or to yourself, ‘I will stay in my seat till the class gets over.’ This works like auto suggestion and is a great self-monitoring strategy.
9. Effective Interactions
Interacting in an effective and positive way can pave the way for a smooth running of day-to-day routines and a well-paced learning. Exhibiting positive ways to interact with the students and presenting role models can be supported with many other strategies:
Teachers-What can you do?
i) Maintain a respectful attitude. It is only natural to become dictatorial in your attitudes while dealing with students with poor interaction skills. However, this will lead to a definite escalation of the situation. Maintain a calm, caring attitude each time gives the student a chance to modify his/her own behavior.
ii) ‘The broken record method’ in which the teacher/adult continues to repeat the instruction in the same tone and words, pretending that it is being said the first time is a strategy that gives the student multiple chances to modify their behavior.
iii) Positive communication is a skill that is learned over a period of time, experiences and feedback have a strong role to play in the same. While it is natural to expect good interaction to take place at all times, students might lack the common sense that adults have in similar situations. Assume that you are teaching them these skills and obviously, they will take time to learn them.
iv) Understanding and accepting ‘No’ can take a lot of practice on part of the student. ‘You have to ask for things, and when you ask, the answer can be a ‘yes’ or a ‘no.’ This concept is difficult for everyone, including adults. Make sure that your ‘no’ means a ‘no’ and not a ‘may be’ or ‘later.’ Ensure that the parents are onboard with the same.
v) Negative communication will lead to negative results. If the student is defiant, rude and unreasonable in his approach, it will yield results accordingly. However, there is much to achieve in an open environment in which the student puts his point forward and presents his views logically. Controlling the emotions and not getting carried away in the heat of the argument will come with practice. If the student experiences it a couple of times and receives a positive feedback for the same, he can build on the same and develop the skill.
vi) Use ‘DEARMAN.’ One specific strategy to use to teach students interpersonal effectiveness skills is ‘DEARMAN,’ which is taken from Dialectical Behavior Therapy (Linehan, 1993). This is a strategy students can use to calmly ask for what they need. “D” stands for describe the problem.
“E” is to express feelings and opinions.
“A” is to assert oneself by directly asking for what is wanted.
“R” stands for the reward, telling others what they will gain from the idea.
“M” stands for (stay) mindful or do not be distracted.
“A” is for appear to be confident and positive.
“N” is to negotiate (i.e., be willing to give to others to get something in return).
Parents- What can you do:
i) Understand and acknowledge the problem. Do not wait for the child to ‘grow it out.’ It will only escalate with age. Try to understand the pattern of the problem, observe the attitude demonstrated with other adults and develop a plan to address the problem. Working closely with the school to ensure that similar strategies are being used to maintain consistency in the approach that all adults have towards to the child.
ii) Talk to the child and get the feedback Discuss how lack of sleep, nutritive food, exercising, spending less time doing sedentary activities and even smiling more can change the attitude drastically.
iii) Demonstrate interest in what the child is saying will help them feel that you are interested in what they are saying. It gives them confidence and builds up trust.
iv) Be a role model to your child. Never interrupt others, listen patiently, maintain eye contact with the speaker, maintain a positive tone of voice, not letting your emotions take the better of you while having conversations are some of the strategies that you can use.
v) Does your ‘No’ mean a ‘No’ or it means a ‘may be’ or ‘later?’ Children are very quick to learn that if you are not going to be consistent, they can ‘talk you into’ accepting what they want.
vi) Diffuse situations by using humor, reflecting feelings or even changing the topic. Sometimes crossing the bridge when you get to it can give the child some more time to process and agree with what you are saying.
vii) Never let a positive interaction go unacknowledged. Remember to mention it and even reward it with a small incentive to create a positive memory of the same. It can be used as a good reference point for future interactions.
Students- What can you do:
i) Be aware of rules and expectations. What are the rules at school? Get a copy of the rules from the teacher or other school staff. Ask them to review it, and ask questions if anything is unclear. What about the rules at home? Talk with parents about the rules and expectations at home. Again, ask questions if anything is unclear.
ii) Observe the adults at school and at home. Notice how they are interacting with each other and also notice the results of these interactions. What happens when there is a disagreement, how are they resolved. All this will give you an insight into what happens in the real world and how it affects all of us.
iii) People are not mind readers. Learn to use appropriate words to express your feelings. It is not easy so start with bits of information, exchange them with someone trustworthy and see how it goes. Effective communication comes with practice.
iv) Staying calm is the key to a positive interaction. Heated arguments do not yield desired results. Learn to walk away before you say something that you would like to take back later. Maintain a calm tone of voice. Even practicing alone, in front of a mirror can give you confidence boost.
v) Use ‘DEARMAN.’ One specific strategy to use to teach students interpersonal effectiveness skills is ‘DEARMAN,’ which is taken from Dialectical Behavior Therapy (Linehan, 1993). This is a strategy students can use to calmly ask for what they need. “D” stands for describe the problem.
“E” is to express feelings and opinions.
“A” is to assert oneself by directly asking for what is wanted.
“R” stands for the reward, telling others what they will gain from the idea.
“M” stands for (stay) mindful or do not be distracted.
“A” is for appear to be confident and positive.
“N” is to negotiate (i.e., be willing to give to others to get something in return).
vi) Accept ‘No’ for an answer. Although it is the most hated word and probably one word that can be credited to leading to most arguments, accept it. Know your boundaries, realize that you cannot be allowed to go beyond them.
vii) Take help, take clues. If the teacher is using the ‘broken’ record’ technique, you are getting time to modify your behavior, use it wisely.
10. Handling objects/Property
Demonstrating respect towards school property as well as at home can ensure better control of oneself and of course, make everyone stay safe. EBD students may engage in property destruction to show their feelings, intimidate others around them or just to have the control of the situation. It usually is the escalation of a situation and will often result in the calming down stage of the heightened emotional state. But it can cause enough disruption and distress in the classroom or even at home. The goal is to not let it happen, some strategies are listed below.
Teachers- What can you do:
i) Clearly define the problem. To address the problem, it is important to first identify the reason(s) why students are being destructive. Steps in this process include:
(a) Track the behavior, noting when it happens; what is going on around the students before, during, and after this behavior occurs; and its frequency.
(b) Look for patterns in the information gathered (e.g., Do students destroy things when they are angry, when they are excluded from a group, during conflicts with others, during transitions, during free time in class?). What are the results of the behavior (i.e., attention from staff or peers)?
(c) Interview or talk with students in a nonjudgmental manner. It may be that they are unaware of concerns regarding their destructive behavior.
(d) Make an educated guess as to why they are destroying things (e.g., wanting attention, unable to express one’s feelings in appropriate ways, lacking social skills for interacting with peers, low self-esteem).
ii) Encourage self-monitoring. For students with self- control issues, it is helpful to understand the triggers for destructive behavior and encourage the students to watch out for these triggers when they occur. Possible triggers could be name-calling, someone bumping into students, anxiety brought on by another event or concern, or an apparent unknown. Reaction to these triggers can start a chain of events that eventually leads to something being broken or destroyed. If the trigger can be identified, it is possible to help students deal with their anxiety. If the trigger is not identifiable, students can learn to read their own body cues (e.g., tight muscles, rapid breathing, sweaty hands). When teaching students to recognize and monitor these cues, teach them ways to control the cues, such as deep breathing, relaxation exercises, walking away from negative situations.
iii) Give verbal or nonverbal cues. Giving students cues can help them track their own reactions and behavior. These cues can be verbal or nonverbal but should be clearly defined and agreed upon by teachers and students. It is imperative to maintain a calm tone and presence when a student is losing control. If the teacher gets upset or angry, students will pick up on these cues and the situation will worsen.
iv) Promote communication and understanding. Ask students why they think they are destructive at times. Listen to what they say in a nonjudgmental manner. Help them to elaborate on what they were feeling during a recent incident, using “I-statements.” Discuss alternative approaches students could have used to address the issue or solve the problem, as well as possible outcomes of each choice. Have students choose which one would have been the most beneficial. Based on this information, discuss how to make more positive choices in the future.
v) Help students who are out of control. When students are out of control to the point that others are in danger (e.g., not listening or hearing others, not responding to cues, yelling, throwing/breaking things, dumping tables/chairs/desks,), teachers and staff need to physically intervene to take control of the situation. Remove these students from the group and give them a time out in an area where they (and others) will be safe. At first do not try to talk with students. Give them time to calm down. When they can follow simple directions (e.g., sit down, use a quiet voice), begin talking with them about what just happened. Talk about the triggers, thoughts, feelings, behavior, and outcome. Specifically, talk about the incident in detail and about the reality of what happened. Next, help students to define steps toward resolution and taking responsibility for one’s behavior. Finally, rehearse what will happen when they transition back into the classroom and how to resolve any remaining topics or feelings students might have.
vi) Clean up time! Once the student is calm, revisit the spot and assess the damage caused or the mess created. Can things be fixed, mended, repositioned? Do they have to be thrown away? This has to be guided by what the teacher deems just and reasonable. Drawing or writing an apology is also a good way to make amends.
vii) Coach them through apologies. Having students apologize in person is a good skill to build, but remember that this is very difficult for children (and adults alike). Structure the situation so it may be successful for the students and coach them during the process. Promote a positive outcome, such that no one is left feeling humiliated.
viii) Model respect and pride in ownership. Sociologists have shown that if people see things broken, they are more likely to commit further crimes or display negative behavior. Therefore, clean up or fix broken things quickly to send the message that people care about the classroom/school and the things in it. Discuss the need to respect one’s own property, as well as that of others and to take pride in their surroundings, both at home and at school.
Parents-what can you do:
i) Understand problem. Talk to the child’s teachers to learn more about the destructive behaviors that are being displayed. A clear understanding of these behaviors, the triggers promoting them, and the associated consequences is imperative for parents to help their children learn the self- control strategies necessary to become less destructive and more respectful of others. Share observations from home or other settings to help teachers and staff better understand the problem as well.
ii) Learn about behavior programs. Ask if there is a behavior program being used at school, and if so, request a copy. If not, ask if a behavior program might be useful, and volunteer to help in its development. Review the program with the teacher and the child. Ask questions if there is any confusion. Use the same terminology at home as the teacher uses at school to support the program, set clear expectations, and be consistent across settings.
iii) Work closely with school staff. Check in with teachers regularly to determine if the behavior program is working, if changes are needed, and what can be done at home to support it. Continue to share observations to help staff maintain a good understanding of the problem in other settings, the progress being made, and any assistance that is needed.
iv) Talk openly with child. Discuss concerns, expectations, progress being made, apparent obstacles to progress, and goal attainment. Talk about the child’s feelings associated with the destructive behaviors, including feelings before, during, and after they occur. Also discuss potential consequences and possible responses to the behavior, such as (a) avoidance from others, (b) friends or classmates refusing to play, or (c) peers feeling the need to protect their property and denying the child’s use of it. Support the child’s feelings, but also remind the child that there are more positive forms of self-expression and better ways to solve problems. Reinforce positive self-expression when it occurs.
v) Be a good role model. Children emulate the adults in their lives. Take good care of possessions, and respect the property of others. Quickly take responsibility when damage is done, and work to right the situation. When conflict arises, use
creative problem-solving strategies, and speak carefully when frustrated or angry.
Students- What can you do:
i) Monitor destructive behavior. Keep track of time, place, and what is happening when the desire to break things begins. Chart the frequency of these feelings, as well as the behavior. Watch for patterns (e.g., “Do I always feel destructive at the same time of day, around the same people, or in the same settings? How am I feeling when I want to break things? Am I angry, upset, frustrated, sad …”). If this seems too difficult, ask a trusted adult (e.g., parent, teacher, friend) to help.
ii) Use self-control strategies. Practice strategies to help control feelings and destructive behavior, including (a) stopping and thinking before acting, (b) deep breathing, (c) counting to 10, and (d) expressing self-using “I-statements” (e.g., “I feel angry when you will not share with me” instead of taking the toy and breaking it). If nothing helps to calm down, ask an adult (e.g., parent, teacher, friend) for assistance. Talk about what has been tried, what seems to work, and what does not.
iii) Discuss concerns. Talk about feelings and destructive tendencies with a parent, teacher, or another trusted adult. If something has been broken, talk about what happened. Also talk about the reasons it happened and what might have been done differently to avoid the destructiveness
iv) Restitution. When control is lost and something is broken, one needs to make restitution (i.e., showing one is sorry and making it up to everyone involved). This can be done in person or in writing. The steps involved include (a) apologize, (b) clean up the mess, (c) talk to the owner of the object, (d) offer to replace object with own money, and (e) if short on money, offer to work off the amount it will cost to replace the object. If necessary, ask a trusted adult to help.
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