Behaviors Discussed in this Issue:
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Why Some Children Are Never Chosen for Games
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Why Children Are Hesitant
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Why Children Take Too Many Hours to Do Homework
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Why Children Fight with Other Students
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Why Children Make Frequent Trips to the Bathroom
Why Some Children Are Never Chosen for Games
Academic Possibilities: Some children who have developed a negative academic reputation may not be chosen for games due to their low status and unwillingness on the part of some children to include them because of their perceived limitations. In school, there are many games that children play. Some of them are “academic games”. These could be such things as “spelling baseball” or “math teams”. For those children who have difficulty in school, their peers will not want them on their teams because of their academic inadequacies.
Environmental Possibilities: Cultural differences may account for a child not being chosen for some games. The complete unfamiliarity with the game may make them undesirable by peers. Other children may not have the parental supervision or exposure to games and may have never learned. This lack of knowledge may result in inappropriate reactions and rejection by peers.
Intellectual Possibilities: Some games may require rules and activities that may not be within the capabilities of certain children with limited intelligence.
Language Possibilities: A language disorder or bilingual background may result in a child not understanding the rules or requirements of a game. This misunderstanding may result in unwillingness on the part of some children to include these students.
Medical Possibilities: Some children may have certain types of medical conditions that prohibit them from playing games. However, some conditions like Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder may cause a child to be to overly active for some games, not be able to take turns, wait turns, or attend to the game for more than a few seconds or minutes. Also, there are children, who because of the medical problems, cannot perform in various games as fast as others. In some cases, they may not be able to perform at all. For example, a child in a wheelchair will not be able to play kickball or football in the conventional way. In the process, the other children, may not be willing to accommodate the needs of the child with the medical difficulties, thereby excluding him or from any and all games.
Perceptual Possibilities: Some children with perceptual problems may not be able to follow complicated rules found in some games, lack patience to wait their turn, misperceive actions by peers or are not internally organized enough to know what to do. Consequently, these children become low status children and are not chosen on the playground for games. Further, Children with visual perception problems may have serious difficulties in sports. In the process, they may be chosen last or never chosen at all by their peers for many games because they are not as adept as children their age.
Psychological Possibilities: Some children are never chosen for games because of personality characteristics that interfere with their ability to join in group play or follow group rules i.e. stubbornness, need for control, extreme sensitivity, poor loser, need to always be the center of attention. Children who do not get chosen for games often have great difficulty standing up for themselves. They can have fragile egos and will often also be picked on by others. Children want others to play with them who show confidence in their abilities. A child with feelings of insecurity may not be chosen for games because he does not possess the characteristics that others are looking for in a teammate.
Social Possibilities: Some very highly competitive children may not want to choose any child that would limit their chances of winning. Also, some children are viewed as outlast by the other children in everything that they do. They will not be chosen for games because their exclusion covers all bases of their school life. Also, those children who have great difficulties interacting socially may not be chosen because they do not know how to behave appropriately in social situations, something their peers will not tolerate.
What to Do When This Happens
- As the teacher, you pick the teams. Then, all children will be involved.
- Make up certain types of games where the weaker children would still have chance at being good at.
- Reward the children in the class who respect other children and choose fairly.
- When choosing teams, draw names by calling from specific tables. In this way, each child has a chance during the course of the year of being chosen in the beginning of the list and at the end of the list.
- Let the children who never get chosen be the team leaders. In a sense, let these kids “do the picking” rather than waiting to be picked.
- Have a lecture to the class about the fact that winning is not everything- Stress the importance of team spirit and the value of just trying hard.
- If the child is consistently not being chosen, have a conference with the child alone to discuss why this may be occurring and how it is making him feel.
- Contact the school psychologist to discuss whether there are any groups being run in the school to help promote self-confidence and self-esteem. This type of group will also get the child actively involved with others, something which is obviously a problem at the present time.
- If the problem persists to the point where it is affecting the child’s everyday functioning, his situation should be brought up to the Child Study Team in the school so that his situation be appropriately evaluated.
Why Children Are Hesitant
Academic Possibilities: Poor academic performance and ability may make children feel inadequate. This can result in lower levels of self-confidence and self-esteem. This lack of belief in themselves in the academic areas can create future hesitancy to try anything new because they have consistently exhibited failure.
Environmental Possibilities: Children exhibit hesitancy for a variety of environmental reasons. They may become hesitant as a result of overly critical parents or verbally abusive homes. In either case, the hesitancy is a protection against stirring up problems by saying or doing something that they know will not be accepted by their parents.
Intellectual Possibilities: Intellectual limitations can reduce a child’s confidence in many abilities, especially if he has received negative responses to everything that he has done.
Language Possibilities: Certain types of language disorders or articulation problems may limit a child’s willingness to communicate for fear of reaction.
Medical Possibilities: Certain types of organic disorders can affect a child’s ability or willingness to interact with peers. Also, some children with serious medical conditions may be hesitant to get involved with others because their medical condition hinders their ability to succeed in the same manner as others do.
Perceptual Possibilities: Certain types of processing problems can create difficulties in keeping up with others. In the process, these children are hesitant to do anything because they are afraid that it will result in failure or ridicule.
Psychological Possibilities: Severe anxiety and tension can result in hesitant behavior, since the student is so preoccupied that he becomes self-absorbed in his own life. It really is not hesitancy, rather it is unconcern and indifference to what is going on around him. Also, low self-esteem can create hesitant behavior. Low self-esteem limits individuals’ abilities to take chances because they do not believe that they can succeed in most areas of life.
Social Possibilities: Children may be hesitant as a result of fear of rejection by peers, a lack of confidence in social situations, poor social skills, fear of being victimized by others or not understanding social rules and norms.
What to Do When This Happens
- Remember that a hesitant child is behaving in this manner for some protective reason. Therefore, attempting to force him into a social situation will only create tremendous conflict, anxiety, and tension.
- Meet with the school psychologist to determine whether there are any extenuating circumstances for the hesitancy (i.e. home issues, trauma, and previous academic failure).
- Understand that in order for a hesitant child to open up, he must feel comfortable in the classroom. At times, this may be like coaxing a frightened turtle out of its shell. If you move too fast, he will revert back inside.
- Confidence is a process that is built over a period of time. The hesitant child needs a foundation of successful experiences as well as the appropriate social tools in order to be an active participant in the classroom.
- Meet with child on a one to one basis in a comfortable setting. Explain to the child that you are aware of the difficulty he has in both academic and/or social situations and that you want to help.
- Realize that a hesitant child will need practical guidance which must be taught. It is not common sense for many children to know how to act openly in social situations. Confidence builds out from the center like a flower blooming. For instance, have this hesitant student be involved in small groups and then gradually, if appropriate, increase the size of the group. Initially, pick other students for his groups whom you know are more sensitive.
- Have the group work on some simple goal oriented task that will ensure success. This will give the child the feeling of unity and group accomplishment.
- Provide the student with different types of small group activities so that he has the opportunity to work with all the members of his class. For instance, have the child work on a social studies project with one small group of children, and then work on a science project with a different small group.
- Keep in mind that you need to assign these groups and monitor the interactions to ensure protection and success.
- Speak with the school psychologist about having the child join a small group for social skills. These types of controlled groups can help the child learn to interact and build skills in a safe and monitored environment to overcome hesitancy.
Why Children Take Too Many Hours to Do Homework
Academic Possibilities: There are some subjects in which children have great difficulties. When homework is assigned by the teacher in these specific areas, doing it takes much more time than would normally be expected. The academic difficulties in one or two particular areas create long homework hours because of the tremendous problems grasping the concepts in these areas.
Environmental Possibilities: Some children take forever to do their homework because their parents have not set any boundaries for when homework needs to be completed. Since there is no structure to doing homework, the process of getting it done goes on all night.
Intellectual Possibilities: Because of limited intellectual abilities, some children take longer to do their work. Their lower intelligence requires them to take longer to follow directions, read the passages, and write whatever is required of them.
Language Possibilities: When children do not comprehend the language they are doing homework in, they cannot possibly do it correctly. Furthermore, if language comprehension is a source of great difficulty, it will invariably take these children much longer to do their work.
Medical Possibilities: Children with various medical conditions may not be able to do their homework in one sitting. This may be due to attention deficit disorder, impulsivity or a medical condition which inhibits them from sitting for long periods of time.
Perceptual Possibilities: Children with perceptual difficulties will have great problems understanding what to do or how to do it when it comes to homework. Because they see things from a different perspective in some areas than most, they will have to spend more time deciphering what to do in order to do it properly.
Psychological Possibilities: Children, who have many psychological problems such as depression, anxiety, and/or low self-esteem, have a great deal on their minds. In the process, every time they sit down to do their work, they become engrossed in thoughts of their other problems. In the process, they take forever to complete their work because of all of there are so many other factors preventing them from successfully completing work in a normal period of time.
Social Possibilities: Some children have so many social activities going on after school that they cannot stay seated long enough to finish their work. They are involved in so many things that by the time all of these things are completed, the homework may only be partially done. Consequently, it takes the whole afternoon and evening, in bits and pieces, to get work done.
What to Do When This Happens
In this case, the problem has probably been reported to you by the parent. If this occurs, you may want to offer the parent the following suggestions (Pierangelo, 1995):
1-SET UP A HOMEWORK SCHEDULE
For some children, the responsibility of deciding when to sit down and do homework may be too difficult. Children may decide to do their homework after school or after dinner. This is a personal choice and has to do with learning style. However, once the time is determined, the schedule should be adhered to as closely as possible.
2-RANK ORDER ASSIGNMENTS
For some children, the decision as to what to do first becomes a major chore. They may dwell over this choice for a long period of time because everything takes on the same level of importance. Rank ordering assignments means that the parent determines the order in which the assignments are completed.
3-DO NOT TO SIT NEXT TO YOUR CHILD WHILE HE
DOES HOMEWORK
Employing this technique may create learned helplessness because the same “assistance” is not imitated in the classroom. Parents serve their children better by acting as a resource person to whom the child may come with a problem. After the problem is solved or question answered, the child should return to his work area without the parent.
4-CHECK CORRECT PROBLEMS FIRST
When your child brings you a paper to check, mention to him how well he did on the correct problems, spelling words etc. For the ones that are incorrect say, ” I bet if you go back and check these over you may get a different answer.”
5-NEVER LET HOMEWORK DRAG ON ALL NIGHT
The only thing accomplished by allowing a child to linger on their homework hour after hour with very little performance is increased feelings of inadequacy. If this occurs, end the work period after a reasonable period of time and write the teacher a note explaining the circumstances.
6-DISCUSS HOMEWORK QUESTIONS BEFORE YOUR CHILD READS THE CHAPTER
Discuss the questions to be answered before the child reads the chapter. In this way he will know what important information to look for while reading.
7-CHECK SMALL GROUPS OF PROBLEMS AT A TIME
Many children can benefit from immediate gratification. Have your child do five problems and then come to you to check them. Additionally, if the child is doing the assignment incorrectly, the error can be detected and explained, preventing the child from doing the entire assignment incorrectly.
8-PLACE TEXTBOOK CHAPTERS ON TAPE
Research indicates that the more sensory input children receive, the greater the chance the information will be retained. For instance , parents can place science or social studies chapters on tape so that the child can listen while reading along.
9-BE AWARE OF NEGATIVE NON-VERBAL MESSAGES
DURING HOMEWORK
Many messages, especially negative ones, can be communicated easily without your awareness. If children are sensitive, they will pick up these messages which can only add to their tension. I.e. raised eyebrows, inattentiveness.
10-AVOID FINISHING ASSIGNMENTS FOR YOUR CHILD
Children tend to feel inadequate when a parent finishes their homework. If children cannot complete an assignment, and they have honestly tried, write the teacher a note explaining the circumstances.
11-BE AWARE OF POSSIBLE SIGNS OF MORE SERIOUS LEARNING PROBLEMS
Parents should always be aware of symptoms indicating the possibility of more serious learning problems. Many of these symptoms may show up during homework. If these symptoms present a pattern, contact the psychologist or resource room teacher for further assistance. Such symptoms may include, constant avoidance of homework, forgetting to bring home assignments, taking hours to do homework, procrastination of classwork, low frustration tolerance, labored writing, poor spelling etc.
12-CHECK HOMEWORK ASSIGNMENTS AT THE END OF THE NIGHT
This will reduce the child’s concerns over the thought of bringing incorrect homework to school. This also offers children a feeling of accomplishment, a source of positive attention and a sense of security that the work is completed.
Why Children Fight with Other Students
Academic Possibilities: In general, frustration usually leads to anger. In some children who suffer from academic frustration, they will displace their anger towards others because they cannot succeed at schoolwork they know others can do.
Environmental Possibilities: Some children may be aggressive as a result of pressure or stressors experienced at home. This may include unrealistic expectations from parents, poor parenting skills, not being able to live up to a sibling’s success or in the most serious of cases, physical abuse at home, which often results in the child having to aggressively release his/her frustrations.
Intellectual Possibilities: There are cases when limited intelligence can lead to aggressive behavior. Some children may feel very inadequate as a result of this limitation and have to find other means of gaining status.
Language Possibilities: Children who have difficulty communicating as a result of language limitations may release their frustration through their behavior rather than their words.
Medical Possibilities: Some children may be aggressive due to a neurological, chemical imbalance or problems with respect to current levels of medication.
Perceptual Possibilities: Some children have difficulty perceiving the world as others do. Their frustration may be high due to the fact that they do not see things the way everyone else does. This misperception of words and actions can lead to physically aggressive behavior.
Psychological Possibilities: Certain psychological factors (i.e. low self esteem, anxiety, depressed mood, etc.) can create a state of inadequacy in some children and increase levels of tension. They may deal with this state of mind by acting out through aggressive behavior. Also, certain types of behavior disorders (i.e. conduct disorder, oppositional defiance, impulse disorder, etc.) can result in such symptoms.
Social Factors: Some children may feel socially rejected, socially inadequate, and feel as if they do not fit in. They may deal with these feelings by physically acting out their frustrations on others. Also, some children may believe that by being physically aggressive towards others that they will gain social status as “the tough guy” in the school.
What to Do When ThisHappens
- When a child is physically aggressive towards another student, it inevitably leads to a fight in or outside of the classroom. When this occurs, the first rule to remember is to remain calm. This is critical, since doing so will set the tone of control and establish you as the leader of the class.
- Isolate the students for safety purposes.
- Place the students who are fighting in a setting that allows for some form of supervision. For example send them to the principal’s office or the school psychologist’s office, separately.
- Allow the students’ quiet uninterrupted time to calm down to avoid possibility of further escalation. This will provide them with a chance to collect themselves, and to save face.
- Help the physically aggressive student label what it was that may have been the trigger for his behavior. Some students do not think about the consequences of their behaviors, and need to be able to express their thoughts and feelings through verbal outlets. In doing this, it should reduce the need for physical outlets of frustration.
- Suggest to this student alternate means of resolving future conflicts. Many students who consistently fight know no other alternative in handling difficult and stressful situations. They need to be educated on other means of response.
- If this is a consistent pattern of behavior on the part of any student, talk to the school psychologist about setting up a meeting with the parent(s). This will provide the parents with what has been happening in the classroom, provide you with getting feedback on issues at home that may be contributing to the situation, and offer them specific parenting skills which may help all involved.
- Develop a behavioral contract explaining what is expected of this student in the classroom with rewards and punishments for either following or not following through. This contract is something a school psychologist should be well trained in developing.
- If necessary, discuss with the school psychologist about the possibility of setting up a behavior modification program for the child in the classroom so that reinforcement is delivered in an appropriate manner.
- If the problem persists to the point where it is affecting the child’s everyday functioning, his situation should be brought up to the Child Study Team in the school so that his situation is appropriately evaluated.
Why Children Make Frequent Trips to theBathroom
Academic Possibilities: Children who make frequent trips to the bathroom may be doing so because of anxiety being created by school work. Nervousness, stress, and tension can create a state of physical discomfort which can lead to having to go to the bathroom. Sometimes, this anxiety over academics can be so severe that they will get quite sick. They may have to go to the bathroom to urinate, defecate or even throw up due to the fears of academic failure.
Environmental Possibilities: Children who make frequent trips to the bathroom in school may have serious problems at home. Their parents may be upset with them, there may a bitter divorce battle going on, neglect, abuse, etc. The overwhelming stress experienced can create a state of physical discomfort which can lead to having to go to the bathroom. Sometimes, this anxiety over home life can be so severe that children will get physically sick. They may have to go to the bathroom to urinate, defecate or even throw up due to the stressors of home.
Intellectual Possibilities: Children who make frequent trips to the bathroom may be doing so because they are not able to keep up with the class due to low intellectual ability. Panic about how to succeed even though they are trying their hardest can create physical discomfort which can lead to having to go to the bathroom.
Language Possibilities: Children with language difficulties may make frequent trips to the bathroom when they know that there will be a classroom activity involving speaking in front of the class. Their trips to the bathroom may actually be avoidance behavior. Also, their nervousness about having to speak may create physical discomfort which can lead to having to go to the bathroom. Sometimes, this anxiety over having to speak can be so severe that they will become physically ill in anticipation of the event. They may have to go to the bathroom to urinate, defecate or even throw up because the emotional pain is so great.
Medical Possibilities: There are children who have medical problems which can create a need to go to the bathroom more often than most children. They may have problems with their bladders, colon, kidneys, etc.
Perceptual Possibilities: Children with perceptual difficulties may make frequent trips to the bathroom when they know that there will be a classroom activity involving reading, writing, speaking or an activity involving spatial orientation. Their trips to the bathroom may actually be avoidance behavior. Furthermore, their nervousness about having to participate may create physical discomfort which can lead to having to go to the bathroom., Sometimes, this anxiety over having to be involved can be so severe that they will become very ill in anticipation of or at the beginning of the event. They may have to go to the bathroom to urinate, defecate or even throw up because they cannot handle the stress involved with these situations.
Psychological Possibilities: There are many possible psychological reasons why children need to make frequent trips to the bathroom. However, barring any serious medical condition, the fact is that most children who do this are experiencing some form of anxiety. The anxiety is very real, and they then have to go to the bathroom because they become sick in the process. The anxiety can obviously be coming from any of the number of possibilities previously discussed, however, it is important to understand that the psychological pain is creating real tension, causing physical discomfort to the point where a trip to the bathroom is very much needed.
Social Possibilities: Children may go to the bathroom frequently to hang out with their friends. The fact is, the bathroom in school can be a place to hang out. Kids may set up a meeting with another student to talk in the bathroom. Also, some older kids may actually make frequent trips to the bathroom to unfortunately get involved with illegal activities. They may be smoking, buying drugs or some other form of destructive behavior.
What to Do When This Happens
- Contact the school nurse to determine if there are any medical problems which you are currently not aware.
- Contact the parents to determine if there are any medical problems which you are currently not aware.
- If no medical problems exist, then the following things can be done:
- 1-Do not give out bathroom passes during class lessons
- 2-Discuss the situation with the child and find out why there is a need to always go to the bathroom
- 3-Contact the school psychologist about the situation. Often, going to the bathroom can be a sign of anxiety.
- 4-Set times during the day when children are allowed to go to the bathroom unless it is absolutely necessary.
- 5-Try to monitor how much fluid the child drinks during the course of the day.
- 6-Have sign out sheet for the bathroom and only allow children to go to the bathroom a reasonable amount of times during the day, unless of course it is an emergency.
If the problem persists to the point where it is affecting the child’s everyday functioning, his situation should be brought up to the Child Study Team in the school so that it is appropriately evaluated.
